A fly has gotten into the house. It has one goal, and that is to get back outside. I know this because it is exerting all of its efforts by banging itself repeatedly into the window. It can SEE its goal (insomuch as I understand how a fly sees the world). The goal, the promised land, the sunshine and flowers, is RIGHT OVER THERE, live and in living color. If it just keeps trying, if it just keeps persevering, it should get through to the other side, no?
Of course, with my god-like perspective (relative to the fly’s experience, of course), I can see that the ACTUAL path to its goal is to back up, fly sideways and/or away from the goal and find a open door or window to the outside. If I’m feeling especially interactive in my god-state I will capture the fly and set it free myself, hoping the miracle of experiencing sudden freedom overrides whatever fly trauma I’ve caused by violating the prime-directive prohibiting human/insect interference.
Interference or not, this scene of “fly banging into window” always brings up one thought. Am I like that fly? Am I banging into some “window” trying to reach a goal that I can see, almost touch, almost taste, almost reach? Am I willing to have the courage to be counterintuitive and fly backwards or sideways? Am I open to inexplicable and scary, yet sudden attainment of said goal?
The past month has been one lesson after another in being like this fly. Specifically the part about forcing myself to practice “flying away from the window.” One dramatic thing after another has occurred, that has sent me backward and/or sideways in all areas of my life from the personal and professional to the emotional and physical. And while I am not a fan of chaos and drama, in general, I certainly don’t want to miss the opportunity to learn valuable lessons in backwardness and sidewayness, and what windows have sprung up keeping me from my goals.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
• The attempt to reach a goal while not being 100% honest with myself and the people around me, will (if I’m lucky) get me 90% of the way to what I want, but never all the way there. Unfortunately, 90% is close enough to see the prize, but painfully short hitting the mark. The only way to the goal is to back up, tell the truth, be clear, and head in a different direction toward the goal.
• There are always going to be people around who are banging into their own windows. As annoying as it is, and as painful as it is, it isn’t my job to fix that. They are going to have to their own journey in flying backwards and sideways. I get nowhere banging into their windows with them.
• Flying backwards and sideways is simply the notion that if I want something to be different, then I have to be different, make different choices, and do things differently than I have done up until this point. All the windows I have run into this last month have simply been a lesson in either choosing mediocrity (Kristi, keep banging into this window because it is familiar), or choosing amazing (Kristi, you’re going to have to fly in a direction that is out of your comfort zone to find the awesomeness you seek.)
Maybe I am a fly, in the grand scheme of things, but I definitely don’t want a mediocre life. I also have grown weary of banging my head into windows. I think it’s time to take flight in another direction, scary as it may be.
I’ll see all of you on the other side.